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Jan. 14th, 2026 10:31 pm
adore: (i am a god)
[personal profile] adore
Crowdsourcing opinions: what's an email service you like/recommend? I want to leave Gmail and only use it for signing into websites because nowadays it's all Gemini this Gemini that.

I saw an amazing Tumblr post about a Chinese poet who was so brilliant and her man so mediocre 😭 the love story she didn't deserve. She made a poem puzzle that yields more poems the more you look at it. So cool!

Historic medical event: I had an online consultation with a gynaecologist and she said my periods are definitely not normal. No hesitation, no excuses, just straight up "That's not normal. Have you had an ultrasound done?" And when I said I never have, she said I needed to get one done, along with a blood test. And that once I got tested, the results would give her some idea of where to go from here.

First time a doctor has said heavy painful periods are not normal, and that we need to find out causes.

She prescribed that I'm got to get tested for my complete blood count, fasting blood sugar, free testosterone, total testosterone, liver function test, serum creatine, fasting lipid profile, HDA1C (haemoglobin A1C), fasting insulin, HOMA IR (for insulin resistance), Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, prolactin. And I've got to get an ultrasound of my abdomen and pelvis.

I saw an Instagram post by The Period Lab about what to get tested in your bloodwork if you have bleeding more than 8 diva cups over your entire period (I bleed that amount in ONE DAY) and there's a lot of overlap, but also other things not included in my prescription that I want to get done as well:
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(no subject)

Jan. 9th, 2026 10:15 pm
adore: (prayer)
[personal profile] adore
One of the things I want to work on this year is unmasking. In general, but especially with my family. This tumblr post has some ways to start.

I thought I was starting today, actually, but while I expressed my emotions honestly, my family are not emotionally safe for me to be that vulnerable around, which is why I have been masking around them in the first place... today was hard because I'm grappling with the fact that these people who claim to love me and have affection for me, want me to stay quiet when someone in the family hurts me. They'll make excuses for the person who hurt me because they think it's okay for me to be hurt. When I love someone, I don't want them hurt. So I don't believe this is love, I don't understand this so-called familial love. Seems cultish to me.

It's in moments of realisation like these, when I brush against my family and leave with a bleeding gash, that I feel lonely despite having met friends very recently.

Unmasking has to go hand in hand with protecting myself and setting strong boundaries. Being 'radically visible' when it's not safe for you to be really seen by these people? Needs more thought.

This is giving me more ideas for why I am so parasocially fascinated by Yunho, the idol who does not want to be seen to feel safe. Maybe he reminds me of what I do on a daily basis to feel safe around my family. He's very performative and I don't have the energy for that, so I'm very avoidant.

I wonder if Yunho is lonely. Whether he ever wants to be honest and vulnerable. Maybe safety comes first for him.

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